As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
