Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
