Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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