My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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