i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
