Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize