"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
