I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
