do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
