is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well you can't waste a boner
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize