we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
