Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
