I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
