You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
