Sry I called you an 8
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
