I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
