I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
