did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
