I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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