I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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