dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
