we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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