Cold hands, warm shart.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
