she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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