Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
