i was born a porn star she said
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
