Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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