Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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