I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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