We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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