margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
