Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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