My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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