I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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