i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
