I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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