She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
