sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
