You smell like stripper and shame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
