If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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