This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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