the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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