You can't motorboat a personality
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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