I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
