areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
