I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize