sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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