After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
