Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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