when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
