What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
