Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
