life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her vagine was all disorganized.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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