i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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