I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
