You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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