dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
