My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
