He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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