I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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