bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
