Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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