dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
