she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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