You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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