If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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