Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
