hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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