We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
