remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
