I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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