so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
literally had 100 drinks last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
