if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
