He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
