do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
