I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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