well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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