dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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