whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
