you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
