somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
